Sustainable Excellence Xtras #110 - William Jennings Bryan - People Who Criticize

Have you ever been unfairly criticized for what you do or the way you do it?

Constructive criticism provides the feedback you need to improve and grow.

But how do you handle the criticism people direct toward you when they flat-out lie or stretch the truth to paint you in an unfavorable light?

While dealing with liars is never easy, it can be especially difficult when you don't understand why people lie. People lie for many reasons. They can lie because they are sociopaths, because they are jealous or insecure, or because they are trying to protect themselves or someone close to them.

According to a study done at the University of Virginia in the mid-1990s, community members averaged one lie per day, while the students averaged two lies per day. More recent research found that, for the most part, lies are not that frequent of an occurrence and that most people are genuinely honest.  

So how do you handle someone when you catch them lying to you?

Most people have a "tell" when they are lying. They use more words than necessary, or they work too hard at making themselves believable by adding too many details. Chris Voss, the former FBI Hostage Negotiator, believes you shouldn't attack liars, you should reassure them.

According to an October 7, 2023 article by Sanju Pradeepa and published in Believe In Mind, here are some tips to deal with people who lie about you.

1. It's normal to want to retaliate and want to set the record straight. But confronting the liar or spreading counter-lies will likely worsen the situation.

2. Reach out to anyone who heard the lies directly, explain the situation, and share the truth. Ask them not to spread false information. Be open to answering any questions they might have.

3. You cannot control what others think or say. But you can conduct yourself with character and integrity. Surround yourself with good people who ignore false accusations.

4. If you do feel the need to confront the liar do so directly. Explain specifically what they said was untrue. Stay composed and resist the need to insult them. Accept a sincere apology if it is offered.

5. Create distance from the person who is lying. If you must engage with the person, keep the interaction brief and superficial.

6. If the lie significantly damages your reputation or costs you money, consider taking legal action by consulting a lawyer.
 
While the initial impact of a lie may be damaging, the truth has a way of coming out in the end. By taking the high road, not engaging with the rumor mill, and being honest and transparent with your communication, over time, the people who matter most to you will come to understand what is true.   

Please check out the video to learn more about how to handle people who lie or unfairly criticize you and leave me a comment about how you would handle someone who lies about you.