Monday Morning Motivational Message - The Art Of The Deep Conversation

How often do you have deep conversations?

In last week's Motivational Message, I discussed the four rules of having a learning conversation. Today, I'd like to discuss some ways to go deep in our exchanges with each other.

Research has shown that social media creates shallow connections at the expense of deeper relationships.

2024 Facebook statistics reveal that the average user has 338 "friends" on the platform; however, the median number is 200 friends. According to a 2012 Washington Post article, the average Facebook user had 245 friends. In the past twelve years, Facebook users have significantly increased the number of online friends they have, but how engaged are they with those friends? 

Many social media users feel that spending time online with their "friends" is taking away the time and emotional energy that should be spent developing deep connections with real people in their lives.

So, how do you go about having deeper conversations that will lead to developing stronger relationships with the people in your everyday life?

University of Chicago Psychology professor, Nicholas Epley, recommends these four points to go deep with another individual:

1. Ask questions about the person's values, beliefs, or significant experiences.

2. Show you're listening by asking follow-up questions.

3. Match their emotional tone (empathy, joy, upset, etc.)

4. Understand the social identities regarding their experiences.

Epley also challenges his students with an interesting social science experiment. He asks them to get on a bus, sit down next to a total stranger, and, in three questions, be in a deep conversation with the person. Think it's easy? Give it a try.

Engaging in deep and thoughtful conversations with others allows us to foster a stronger sense of belonging, connection, and understanding. This will improve our emotional, mental, and physical health and create more meaningful and profound relationships.   

Please leave me a comment about your thoughts regarding what it takes to have deep conversations and let me know your experiences if you tried the bus experiment. Your opinions are valuable and I appreciate hearing from you.