How often do you use silence to improve your life?

Some people talk because they have something to say; others because they have to say something.

The oil magnate John D. Rockefeller, Sr., turned a $4,000 investment in an oil refinery into one of the largest fortunes in history. When Rockefeller died in 1937, his net worth was $900 million. Adjusted for inflation, that would be almost $15 billion in today's money. 

Rockefeller used silence to his benefit. Many times, during a meeting at the company he founded, Standard Oil, Rockefeller would lie on a couch, not saying a word. This use of silence allowed him to listen to the others express their opinions and helped him make appropriate decisions at the meeting's conclusion. This use of silence allowed Rockefeller to become, according to many scholars, the wealthiest man in history, with a net worth, adjusted for inflation, of over $630 billion! 

Continuous and fluent conversations make people feel connected and validated. However, research in the Netherlands (Koudenburg et al., 2011) found that only four seconds of silence made Americans feel anxious and insecure.

Silence is an effective communication technique. When I was a SWAT hostage negotiator, we were taught to parrot back what a person said and then go silent. Human beings tend to dislike silence, and being quiet can make the other person uncomfortable, prompting them to fill the void caused by the lack of conversation. They will start talking, and you may get more information.

According to the communications company, SpeakEasy (https://www.speakeasyinc.com/the-power-of-the-pause-making-silence-work-for-you/), here are several benefits from using silence:

1. It Breeds Confidence - Being silent leads to others seeing you as an authority figure and gives you a commanding presence. It also shows that you are comfortable with the silence and in control of the situation.

2. It Controls the Body - Silence allows you time to breathe and relax. When you're relaxed, you can focus your mind and concentrate on the matter at hand.

3. It Contributes to Awareness - When you go silent during a conversation, meeting, or presentation, it instantly makes the audience aware. It heightens their interest in what you will say next.  

4. It Adds Energy to the Message - Silence adds energy and force to what you are trying to communicate. It inserts enthusiasm to what you eventually say.

5. It Signals Time for Reflection - Silence offers the audience time to consider what was said and what should be said next. It gives them time to ensure they remain engaged.

Silence allows you to command authority, keep your audience engaged, and provides energy to the setting. Since people are uncomfortable with silence, mastering it will make you a more effective communicator and establish you as an authority figure. 

Please leave me a comment about how you use silence in your everyday communication. Your opinions and perspective are valuable, and I'd appreciate hearing from you.

How competitive are you? 

Is competition something you relish or something you avoid?

The first time I realized I was competing against another person was when I started playing basketball in 4th grade; however, in reality, I'd been competing against my brothers for years. We'd played hundreds of one-on-one games of basketball on the court in our backyard, and we used to run pass patterns against each other with our dad serving as the permanent quarterback.

Competition is a measure of our ability and skill in comparison to others. It's something that has been part of my life since I was old enough to walk.  

But what are the positive and negative characteristics of being competitive?

Here are four benefits of being competitive:

1. Whether in your personal or professional life, being competitive doesn't allow you to settle. You're always striving to be better.

2. Competitive people find ways to push through the difficult times. They use adversity as fuel to improve themselves.

3. The glass of a competitive individual is usually always at least half full, not half empty. They tend to see the best in themselves, others, and difficult situations.

4. And speaking of glasses, a competitive person drinks deeply from the cup of life. They challenge themselves by trying new experiences and exploring new options.  

Some cons of being a competitive person include:

1. The pressure of comparison can take a toll on you. Too many people compare themselves to what others are doing or what they have. 

2. Being competitive can lead to the blame game. When you work hard to achieve something and fail, there is a tendency to blame others rather than taking personal responsibility for your success and happiness.

3. While people (or your relationship with them) are more important than anything you achieve, highly competitive people can burn through relationships because they are so focused on their outcomes.

4. Success is not linear. Competitive individuals believe that the harder they work, the better they will perform. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily true. Sometimes, when you work hard, you may reach a plateau or even experience a decline in your ability. Being unable to improve consistently can defeat or demoralize a person. 

Thousands, if not millions, of people are pursuing the same desires and dreams that you are. That's why if you want big rewards, you have to take big chances, with the realization that you'll have to adapt and learn from every defeat and drawback. 

Understanding the benefits and pitfalls of being competitive can lead to tremendous success while also allowing for a balanced and connected life with others who can share in your achievements. 

Please share your thoughts on the concept of competitiveness in life. Your opinions and perspective are valuable, and I'd appreciate hearing from you.